Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
