Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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