ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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