Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
