why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
