I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
