Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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