ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
