I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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