i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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