I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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