It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
