I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
