people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
