Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
