just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
