Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
