It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
