she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
