I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
