i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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