i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
