A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
