Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
