dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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