based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
