I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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