Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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