I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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