How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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