Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
