He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
