I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
