His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
