Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
