he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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