i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
