apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
