So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
