It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
