At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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