Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
