We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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