new low.... made out with someone while peeing
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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