we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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