How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love you. Go after that dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
