why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
