I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
