You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
