I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
